Missing Out!

If you aren't following this blog yet: http://amyrofosho.blogspot.com/

you're totally missing out on this:




and this:




so forget about this blog and follow the new one! it's much better:) promise!

New Blog For Reals

hi everyone! okay! i've finally gotten the other blog going! i think it's going to be really great! i'd love for you to follow!:) http://amyrofosho.blogspot.com/

new blog

new chapter in life equals new blog! my lovely followers, who haven't heard from me in FOREVER...so sorry...really i am! but i'm connected again:) please switch to my new blog "anchors aweigh amy"...i would appreciate it:) i think it's amyrofosho.blogspot. yadayadayada:) jk on that last part:) anywho! great to be bloggin' again y'all! peace, love and happiness:)

Life since 09/07/2010...the first 2 or 3 weeks

monday, september 6th, 2010 at approximately 8:45ish pm i drove away, almost blinded by tears, and a deep heavy lump of loneliness in my gut, from the love of my life. knowing it would be 2 or 3 weeks before i would get a letter...or even hear his voice...it was almost unbearable. but i told myself on the drive home that it would be good...good for him...good for me...good for us! i told myself i would have so much time for myself...time to explore and reclaim my individuality and independence. when tommy was done with boot camp, i would be well on my way with my art and photography. it was a good little pep talk...very encouraging! i was going to be fine! but i woke up the next morning filled to the brim with tears again...i couldn't even make it through a full shift at work! i became a slug from september 7th on. weighed down by loneliness and a hollow incomplete feeling of myself. i looked at this picture of us over and over...the last one before we parted ways.



what was wrong with me? "i am a strong independent woman of substance!" i should be whole without him! to be honest...it was somewhat embarrassing for me. i wasn't the kind of woman to be so lost without my man. the feelings and emotions i went through were all so revealing! it was scary to confront them...but illuminating to understand them. his absence made me sad and lonely. i came to understand that i DID indeed need him in my life...he IS a part of my whole...and accepting this didn't mean losing my independence or my individuality...accepting this became a part of my independence and my individuality. it felt like coming out of the dark...made me wonder, " how long was i there?"

after the realization - next post!

The Lake

my nephew, jackson, loves the lake. he gets that from me i suppose:) i grew up just down the road from this lake. people call it dirty bird and it really kind of pisses me off. it's not anything at all like tenkiller or eufala but it's a lake. it's a place to just chill. i have so many happy memories here. memories of a simple life with good friends and good times. i miss those days. i miss being young with the whole world in front of me for the taking. the world is still there to be had but it's more difficult to take it now with having to make a living and earn money to pay for bills, debt, and basic survival. sigh.

i have to get ready for work now. i'll be depressed for the next several hours and hope with all my heart that people will text me. or i'll get on my phone periodically to see if i have any notifications on facebook. oh how i love notifications.

while i'm working in a concrete place of misery and depression i will think about the sound of boats on the water. i will think about the wind and the sun. i will think about floating weightlessly in the water with the sound of my heartbeat and breath for company.

Technology Team Lead

for the last 3 years i've been the photo lab team lead at sam's club. my education, professional certification, and passion is photography. portrait studios just weren't my cup of tea with the over booking and standard poses and sick kids coughing in my face...just couldn't deal with all that! i wanted to work in a professional lab but really didn't know of any in oklahoma, so i ended up at sam's club. this really could be a great place to work if i could just do what i do in the lab...but... unfortunately this has never been the case. at the end of the day i'm expected to fold clothes, put merchandise away, and pull boxes. not to sound like a snob but i didn't spend thousands of dollars on an education to do mindless work such as that! sam's club has also caused me severe stress, major depression, and stomach aches. two days before i started there as the team lead i was told that my pay wasn't going to be quite what they had estimated for me...this was a little rough being as how it was a major cut already from my last employer...but i was reminded of the raise i'd get at 90 days and of course the annual raise... so whatever...i dealt with it. however, 7 months later the company realized there was a problem with the computer system and associates wages weren't calculated right. how this club was open for 2 years at this time and how it wasn't until 7 months after i was hired this problem went unnoticed is confusing to me! regardless, my pay was cut 40 cents. oh yes...and this was right during the holiday season... stress central! in addition to the pay cut i also had to deal with associates being taken out of my department, hours being cut, and staff not being adequate for the busiest time of year. all very frustrating! but the straw that broke the camel's back...

photo team lead no longer exists. it's now technology team lead. technology team lead will continue to supervise the photo lab but will also supervise electronics and the cell phone center. instead of being over 3 people, i would be over somewhere between 10 and 15 or so. i will have to contribute my time and labor to all three departments. everyone at work has been congratulating me...well...until they hear the rest of it. congratulations usually comes with promotions. promotions usually occur when responsibility and expectations are increased. well... supervising 3 departments is definitely more responsibility and the company definitely has some new expectations for this new position. but...promotions usually mean a raise. this is not a promotion. this is bull shit. i'm expected to do much more work and deal with much more stress without any kind of benefit...meaning...no raise!!!

i just cannot imagine it. the thought of the holiday season alone makes me want to throw up. people are evil during the holidays. dealing with people shopping in 3 areas i supervise would cause major ulcers. so no...i cannot do this. it does not benefit me in any way, shape, or form!

so i've posted my resume for a government job and through express personnel. i have approximately 4 weeks to find a new job. i'm so glad the economy and job market is so good right now! oh wait. shit.

Mainstream...Not so much!

parents raise their children with the idea that they can be anything they want to be when they grow up. you can do anything you set your mind to! "climb high, climb far. your goal the sky, your aim the stars!" blah blah blah blah blah. but then parents usually get discouraged when their child is attracted to the same sex or wants their nose pierced or falls in love with tattoos. parents get discouraged when their child changes his or her major or drops out of college all together; when their child falls in love with someone they don't approve of; when their child quits his or her dependable job and sets out to pursue a passion. yes some of these decisions could be mistakes and the parents could have the lovely satisfaction of saying, "i told you so," but what if they aren't mistakes? what's worse? preventing your child from making their own decisions based on the fear that they could be making a mistake or letting your child make that decision and it potentially be the wrong one? as we grow up, our parents hope for us to be happy...but then they have their own idea of what "happy" is. if we are raised to believe we can be anybody and do anything we set our minds to, then we should be able to explore those choices we have to gain what we need, desire, or want to be anybody and do anything.

it's 2010. movies from the 80's depicted us getting around in hover crafts by now. right? :) and yet the mainstream ideas are still black and white and straight and narrow. be happy and successful but do it without marking your body, coloring your hair, loving the same sex, being spontaneous, pursuing far fetched dreams, and stepping too far outside the box. follow the guidelines so as not to offend anyone with your individuality! follow the cookie cutter pattern. conform!!! ugh. BORING!

yes i'm on my soapbox but it's been a long time coming:) i was a shy child, but i grew out of it...haha...obviously! i realized my social awkwardness came from the fact that i didn't want to do what everyone else was doing. i love sharing this story...it makes me proud:) i remember my last day of kindergarten. on a normal day we would have a period of time to select a colored shape piece of construction paper from our envelope that represented a particular station in the classroom to play in. each day you had to pick a different shape until you cycled back around. on the last day of class, we were allowed to pick whatever we wanted! i am not exaggerating in the slightest bit. all the boys wanted to play with the blocks and all the girls wanted to play house with the dolls and kitchen set...well...except for me. i wanted to paint. i was so happy to be the only one in the art corner! i tied my apron on and set my paper up on the easel and set out my paints...but before i could dip in to the first color, my teacher asked me why i didn't want to play with the other girls? i replied that i wanted to paint and didn't want to play house. she probably thought i was being the outcast so she encouraged the other girls to beckon me over. so they were all cheering, "amy, come play with us! we want you to play with us!" but damn it i really wanted to paint! however, since i felt like by arguing i was only causing unnecessary drama, i went ahead and joined the other girls. i'm sure my little 6 year old brain wasn't quite processing the situation as i have reflected but i do know that i wanted to do something different from everyone else but was peer pressured into something else. i'm proud of this story because i was comfortable and confident enough at the age to go for what i wanted...even if i didn't follow through...at least i took that step.

throughout my life i have made decisions that have caused stress and upset for those who love me. some of those choices were mistakes and i recognized those and apologized for them. i think that finally at almost 28 years old, people are understanding that i'm going to do whatever i want whether they like it or not and yes it might be wrong but i'll keep trying until i get it right! i might have to explain my decisions and actions to give some peace of mind, but at least no one is tyring to discourage me...too much anyway! so i've delved in to this topic because of one seemingly little incident at work. i violated the dress code!





i added a rainbow to my hair!!! so shocking!!! the dress code for Sam's Club is quite long and specific to certain departments, but the overall guideline for hair is that it must be "conservative in cut and color." my options were to leave work and not come back until it was fixed or wear a hat until it was fixed. i asked if i could keep the color and invest in some hats to wear to work everyday but was told that i wasn't allowed to wear hats all the time...apparently managers can wear baseball caps on occasion but a trendy fedora or something similar would not be allowed. hmmm. to be fair, i must point out that the managers did indeed love my hair but had no control over the dress code and therefore had no choice but to enforce it. however, i am one of the best dressed and most well spoken associates there, and if i were in the position of deciding whether or not the hair should be changed, i would say keep it until someone from corporate says something...and once someone from corporate says something, well, then i'd fight it:) i got to keep the hair for a little more than 2 weeks and then it was changed but my oh so talented hair stylist (Brett Fieldcamp). so many people encouraged me to fight this policy and normally it's something i would do...but it's time for me to move on from Sam's Club...and that will be my next post!

until then! parents who read this...please remember that your children might make wrong decisions, but as long as they are not hurting themselves or others or putting their lives or health in jeopardy, let them be individuals! anyone who reads this...please remember that just because the girl checking out your groceries might have multi colored hair, tattoos, and piercings, doesn't mean she's a shady character. embrace individuality and see it for it's unique beauty!