With the Windows Down

I just wanted to share a little moment of my day. I went to my parents house, where my sister is currently living, to visit with her for a little while. We talked a bit about views on marriage, babies, and careers; flipped through her Vogue and made comments on fashion we loved and comments on creepy wolf heads and freaky cats; semi watched Sex and the City and paid more attention to Samantha's sexy naked next door neighbor, Dante; and then I headed home a little after 7 with about 50 pounds of photo albums and mail left at my parents.

On the drive home the sun was just setting to where my visor barely kept it's brilliant light out of my eyes. Thankfully I had a pair of one dollar Dollar Tree sunglasses on hand! I drove with the windows down and my arm resting on the edge, occasionally surfing my hand on the cool summer breeze. I felt like the country girl I grew up as with my big truck and pearl snap shirt cruising down a country road. With Black Betty currently without a radio of any kind, I decided to just listen to and savor the trip instead of singing to myself like I usually do. There was the sound of lawn mowers, motorcycles passing by, and of course the constant summer chorus of cicadas! I smelled fresh cut grass, burn piles smoking, and hamburgers on the grill. It was absolutely lovely in all of it's simplicity! The drive was just not long enough!

I love that I own my truck. I love (mostly ;) that my parents are only 10 minutes away. I love that there is a lake close by. I'm grateful that even when so many other things in life are just so shitty, there are still moments to love and cherish.

I love driving with the windows down :)

Great Blogs To Follow

I just have to share these blogs I follow! For those of you who are photographers, enjoy photography, or appreciate photography, you will love these blogs! The photos are absolute eye candy!

http://abeautifulimageblog.com/

and

http://kellybeane.com/

and

http://blogbykriea.com/

Anywho! These ladies are my inspiration! Check them out...they are truly absolutely fabulous!

Sushi and stuff

It appears that my last two posts were written in moments of slight intoxication. Um...I apologize for that...yeah. So moving on!

I ate sushi for the first time in my life this past Wednesday!!! It was AMAZING!!! And! I drank sake for the first time in my life that night as well! AND! I was not completely uncoordinated using chopsticks like I thought I would be. I really cannot say why exactly but this was a big deal for me! I even ate octopus and I really think that it was my favorite! Amy took me to Tokyo Sushi up in the city. I knew that trying sushi for the first time should be with someone who knows sushi rather than picking some up from like Wal Mart or something...ugh...can you imagine? Anyway! This place looked like a shack...to put it simply. An interesting shack anyway...like one you might find on a beach with the boards all weathered and whipped by sand and sea. However, I've learned not to judge an establishment based on outside appearances in my experiences and besides I totally trust Amy! And I think that shacky (my new word) looking places are usually rather fabulous! The inside was all squishy and narrow with a display of all the raw offerings right there when you walk in. The giant tentacle of octopus threw me a little bit but I still agreed to eat some...which obviously I'm glad I did! I felt insecure and redneck like people were going to make fun of me for not being cultured enough to work some chopstick...but I quickly banished that insecurity and opened myself up to the experience. I think Amy described me as a "sushi hero." Was that the right phrase, Amy? She said most people aren't so hard core on their first sushi experience. My thought is that if you are going to try something new, you might as well submerge yourself in to it! So I submerged myself and can't wait to eat sushi again! Holy cow it's hella expensive though! Amy treated me though and paid for two thirds of it...which was a pretty good chunk! I'm so happy to have her for a friend...and not because she bought me dinner! Geez I'm not that kind of person! I'm happy to have her as a friend because she introduces me to new experiences and she can speak intelligently about things. People are stupid these days, you know, so I've become somewhat of an intellectual snob. Sorry, stupid people.

Speaking of stupid people! I'm merging on to an on ramp for the interstate and out of no where there's this little corvette right there beside me causing me to continue barreling down the shoulder. This jack ass didn't have their mother f*ing lights on!!! So...well...road rage embraced me in all of it's burning glory and I sped Black Betty, my big ass truck remember, up on the corvette's inadequate rear and blasted my horn and flashed my lights. Then I pulled up beside them and flipped them off...all the while being a safe driver and hoping they get pulled over :) Stupid people should not be allowed to drive...especially on the interstate! Driving 101: make sure your headlights are on while driving at night.

I fail at being girly. I'm pretty excited when I get my nails painted decently...usually I cannot do this and eventually give up and berate myself for sucking at being a girl as I grab the polish remover and cotton balls. I can't even fix my own freaking hair! I tried to use a round brush while blow drying it yesterday and could not get my arm or wrist or hand to control the brush in a styling sort of way. What the hell is wrong with me? I often times forget to put on jewelry even though I love it and have several nice pieces. I can't do my eye makeup worth a flip! My hair gets all ratty and tangled even if I'm just sitting. It's like the places on my body where girlish indulgences are supposed to take place actively reject any sort of style or beauty. Fail!

It's taken me like an hour to write this because I've been doing other things as well...next time I will focus more. It's a little after 3 in the afternoon now so I think I'll brush my hair, wash my face, and put some clothes on now. First let me find a sushi picture...

yummy yummy yummy!

Here's my painted fingernails I actually succeeded at! Yay! Tommy wasn't supposed to be in the picture. I was only trying to showcase my painted fingernails with my Jack on the Rocks... good stuff :)

Mojito noche

How does one respond to this: A boyfriend and a girlfriend. Together 3 years...the first year and third year were rocky but that middle year was splendid! Going in to the fourth year, things are once again splendid...mostly. Have lived together 1 year and 8 months. Tonight... we're watching the movie Push and we take a bathroom/make another Mojito break. So I ask, "If you could have a super power, what would it be?" This may seem like a first date type of question and maybe I did ask this some time in the past but if I did, I don't remember. Boyfriend answers, "I'd freeze time and move about it independently." Great! Upon further investigation... Me- "To do good right?!!!" (With enthusiasm and vigor!). Boyfriend..."Well..." Me- "What????? Would you be a villian???" Boyfriend..."Probably" and laughs/snickers. Me- What the...???!!!....really???...

He laughs some more and there's this awkward let's face facts situation...but all the time I'm thinking, "What the hell???!" Seriously! There was no resolution! I told him that I couldn't be with someone who could see themself as being a villian and he got all pissed off at me for finding some way that I couldn't be with him. This is a hypothetical situation remember? I said something along the lines of, "Well you're not a villian so we don't have to worry about it...right? There's nothing dark inside you right...you're not going to kill me in the middle of the night...right...right?" ( A little nervous). He's still pissed off at me for finding some reason not to be with him. Somehow we got past this little altercation and now I'm bloggin and he's playing World of Warcraft. Does that sound right? Yeah...remember...drinking a Mojito...now and then. Maybe I'm being stupid and somene needs to slap me. What the hell though! Only 2 followers on this little blog! How the hell do you get your crazy ramblings out there? I need feedback.

"We have somebody who's DC in our raid- Tommy." What the hell does that mean? That's what he just said on his little headset thing. It's just that...ugh...in times like these...when we were supposed to have a dinner together and a movie on the couch and sweet love making where ever...but instead I'm fishing for compliments on the dinner and inquiring about the movie and trying to ignore his nerdy little lingo on the net...well that's just not what I had in mind.

Damn. I've had one to many drinks with rum to write coherently. It may be time for me to stop. But seriously?! My 2 followers...the question of the post is..."What do you do when you are in a relationship with someone you love beyond reason but drives you absolutely crazy???" (And should I actively seek people to follow me or would that be way to needy and pathetic?)

Love to Amy and Aura since they are all who follow!

:) Sorry for my intoxication.

So much...

I drove out to my parents today, but my mama was the only one home. She was tired and not feeling well so I left with the promise to come tomorrow and headed to the lake. Lake Thunderbird is just down the road from where I grew up and though it's known as Lake Dirty Bird, it's always been a great lake to me! I've swam in that lake since I was a little girl and I've camped there since I was 17...it's a good lake...it's red because the mud is red here...hello...it's Oklahoma! I drove out there to take some photos, but instead I drove around with tears in my eyes and a heavy heart. There were so many people there! Out on their boats, camping, grilling, listening to music, fishing, and spending time with friends and family. When I was 17, I had a great group of friends who got together as often as possible to be at the lake. My family was healthy and happy and life was simple and stress free. I guess that's how the perspective is for most young women still in high school with the world right there to conquer. Remembering this time of my life kept me inside of my truck instead of outside taking pictures...I didn't want to capture the lake with all the activity because I wasn't part of that activity! And then I thought...who can I call to come out here and enjoy the lake with me? Tommy has plans today. Amy's in Mexico. Michelle is never available. Roxy's with her family. Christi has a child. Sarah is not well. Ashley's in Iowa. Other friends are all over the United States. Nicole is in Moore. Haven't talked to Jeff in almost 2 years. Friends from work are at work. No one! I couldn't think of anyone that would be able to come out and enjoy the lake with me. My eyes are watering now.

I wished Chris Harp was in Oklahoma. But then I thought...well it's been more than 2 years since I last saw him let alone talk to him so even if he was here, he hasn't made any attempt to be a part of my life this whole time so why would he even want to come out to the lake with me? I've lost him too.

I've lost the lake chapters of my life. I can't even recreate them because everything is so different. But that's life isn't it? We grow up, we change, we live separate lives, and nothing is ever the same. I just wish...I wish so much...that I could at least go back in time for a weekend at the lake with my friends.

The sadness has seized me now. I'm crying and the pressure in my chest is so great I feel like this heavy sob needs to escape and echo through time. The echo could travel back 10 years and alert me that I need to hold on to the moments I love and understand that they must be cherished because I will never have them again.

Alcohol is a depressant. That's an excuse for the tears.

Really though...I'm not depressed. I've battled depression for years but I can control it now. It's just that in this moment I want things to be different. I want to be at the lake right now! I want tiki torches surrounding the sight and a fire blazing with music playing softly. I want laughter and stories and enjoyment without alcohol. I want a tent full of people all smashed together. I want to wake up with the sun beating down on me coaxing me out of a crowded sleeping mesh of friends. I want simplicity...so much!

Well there it is. A useless dream. An unattainable wish. The past. Time for bed. I will think about the good ol' times though as I settle down...and I'll hope for dreams of the past.