Reality

My friend Amy and I once talked about "magazine picture lives." How you can see someone's pictures, or walk through someone's house, or read someone's story and wonder how their lives can sound so perfect. So glossy and pristine like the photos from a magazine. Everything is in it's place. Everyone is wearing the perfect clothes...they have the perfect skin and hair...they go on the best trips...they know exactly what to say and how to say it at the perfect time. You have some sort of vision of this person and you think, "damn...why can't my life be like that?" But Amy and I realize that no one can ever know what's behind the scenes of the magazine people's lives. Amy, for example, wouldn't describe her life as magazine material, but my perception of it is just that. When I told her this, she said thank you and I said it was true! There's nothing wrong with a magazine photo life...as long as it isn't a lie! Lies aren't the topic here though. Reality is the topic. Photos of my office, my kitchen, my bedroom, my truck...they would show you clutter, dirty dishes, messy floors, and an over all lack of beauty. They could make the magazines covering the more raw and photo journalistic aspects of life...but the pretty stuff?...no absolutely not. Here's a dose of it in all it's glory!





I share this because...I don't know. I'm angry right now. I'm angry that someone is accusing me of judging. That someone has taken advantage of me for years; and as much as I've helped this person, they still find a reason to insult me. Look at my life. There is an ugly side as much as there is a beautiful side. I know I'm not perfect. I know that some photos from my life could be magazine worthy and some photos are trash. I am not pretending to be anything that I am not. I know I could be a better person. I know that my life could be better than it is. I know that I'm in the dark right now. But there are other things I know. I know that my friends have a true and clear picture of me...I don't lie to them. I don't make up stories to explain things to them. I tell them the truth and they still love me. I know that even though my boyfriend isn't always the greatest, he really loves me. He doesn't put me down, and even when I'm at my worst and ugliest, he would do anything for me. I know that I've done right by my family, and even when I have made mistakes or let them down, I've been there any time I was able and have helped them more than most can say. I know that even when I fail myself, it's not the end of the story...I get more tries, more chances, and more opportunities. I can have more magazine photos than photos that end up in the trash...I can. And they won't be lies or stages...they will be truth. A truth in reality that I earned and worked very hard for. I won't be bullied anymore.